i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
