i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
