hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
