i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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