Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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