Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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