arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
