i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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