yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
