he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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