There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
