thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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