i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
