babies were throwing up all over the place
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
