I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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