gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
