my mouth tastes like poor choices
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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