I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
