Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
