jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
