Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
