We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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