i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
