Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
