My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
