My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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