butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I came so hard my ears popped.
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