he wants to bone in the snuggie
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
