Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
