Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
