there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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