I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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