Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
