she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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