i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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