I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
