Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
