tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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