Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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