yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
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Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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