chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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