I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
