Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
