dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
