My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
