I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The best revenge is premature balding
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
