I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
