My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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