Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
