god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
