He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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