Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
