I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
