I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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