The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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