Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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