Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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