Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
