my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
