Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
