I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
