I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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