just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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