Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
