Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
